So I was happily zoning out today, checking my email for the eleventeenth time when my eye caught on a subject line. Your Preschooler this Week. Um. What? I think I actually looked over my shoulder to see who this nonsense could have been directed at. Certainly not me. I checked, it was from my old friend Babycenter. The same Babycenter I've been getting weekly updates from for nearly three years.
First they updated me on my pregnancy. Your baby is the size of a kumquat and is growing eyelashes this week!
Then it was on to my newborn. Your two week old can now almost see as well a farsighted octogenarian!
And then of course after her first birthday it went on to toddler updates. Your sixteen month old may now decide that eating is no longer for her, lucky you!
Honestly I pretty much quit reading them awhile ago. Especially since I've been getting double updates for the last year and a half. It was just too much simultaneously seeing what one child wasn't up to speed on while wondering if the I needed to call the pediatrician for the other. A couple of times I've honestly had to double check which child the update was for. One recently said At this stage your child may begin to give you those long awaited baby kisses! I was all thinking, "hey cool my two year old just started giving me those big smacking sounds when she kissed me this week, right on schedule HIGH FIVE." Then I realized that was referring to my seven month old. Right. My seven month old drools on me if I press his face against mine. That's kind of a kiss right?
I also enjoyed the one that said At this age your baby may begin testing your authority by refusing to follow your simple directions... This one also refers to my seven month old. F'real? That's what that little turkey is doing? Well I'll be. And all this time I thought he had no farking clue what I was saying. Guess it's time to roll out the time outs for that kid.
Anywhos there was a point here somewhere, ohhh right my eensy teensy was just born like yesterday precious little baby daughter is a PRESCHOOLER. I need a good cry and a drink.
ETA: This post has been written with two spaces between sentences in honor of wbgookin and his old school typing mah-chine etiquette.
5 hours ago