Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

"He is ALL boy"

I saw that phrase every now and again before I had my son but it has a whole new meaning to me now. I just can't even imagine what I am in for when he gets a little older. The Weebles was slow to move about, endlessly fascinated with details and manipulating objects. Not my Peanut. He wants to GO GO GO. He spent weeks consumed with learning to crawl, trying to move himself across the floor on sheer will alone. Once he got the hang of that he didn't even pause to enjoy the triumph, he immediately went on to figuring out how to pull up. Now he spends the majority of his waking hours, and there's lots of those on account of the fact he doesn't nap, standing up. Even at three in the morning when he wakes to nurse he's standing up waiting for me. I can finally get him to play with a few things if his sister is also playing alongside him but he still has most of his focus on motion with very little regard for his well being.

Today he climbed into his sister's Anywhere Chair and then used it to climb up on the sofa. I also caught him in his bouncy seat standing up with no hands bouncing. It looked like some sort of odd baby chair surfing experiment. I didn't anticipate this kind of recklessness until at least three or four. At the rate he is going he'll be wrecking the family car before he gets to middle school. I foresee meeting a lot of deductibles in the future....

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Child Abuse

The kind my kids dole out to me on a daily basis... I have never encountered anything so physically demanding as parenting two small children. Even totally discounting what pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding do to you it is a tough gig. I have had my eyes and faced scratched, multiple times, by those razor sharp little nails. I have been kicked and smacked every imaginable place. And the head butts... oh my goodness my children have hard heads. It never seems to faze them in the least which I don't understand. I will be on the floor seeing stars after getting a thrashing head to the nose and they just go right on like they didn't even notice.

I think the most challenging part though is the baby wrangling. Holding a wildly flailing child still while I desperately try to put on clothes or a diaper really takes it out of me. And on a good day I get to repeat this two dozen times. With my son it is still just a flip and crawl maneuver. But when he wants to roll over it takes every big of strength I can muster to keep him from doing so. I don't know how that kid got so strong. (Yes, I've tried giving him a toy to hold. He gladly takes it, then flips over to look at it.) With my daughter she just gets up and runs off. Her favorite it to get on our bed and jump up and down going "Look at me mommy! Look at me!" She knows I can't reach her on the other side of the bed. So I'll have to go around and by that time she's gone out of reach again. Sigh. Then there's carrying them around. That is a whole different breed of wrangling. Peanut really isn't into being carried. He'll tolerate it for a few minutes but then he starts pushing off with his arms and legs and occasionally just throwing his head forward toward the floor with no warning trying to get down. I often wonder how it is I don't have bodybuilder arms by now as much lifting and carrying as I do. How many activity points do I get for hauling a two year old out of Target mid-tantrum?

Friday, September 25, 2009


So how's that 9 month sleep regression treating you? I am feeling pretty darn tired. The Peanut has been waking up at four in the morning the last few days. It is a little hard not to break down in tears at four in the morning when you realize that chances are pretty good you won't get any more sleep until bedtime. Then once you finally wrangle both kids down to bed it ends up being 8:30-9 and hell you kinda want a few minutes to zone out online or just exist in general without a small person demanding your attention. So no matter how many times throughout the day I swear "I am going to bed just as soon as the Weebles does and catch up on sleep..." I just never do.

Exhaustion makes me very very cranky. I found myself snapping at the kids today and if they were behaving the way I was they would've gotten time outs for sure. I'm hoping to catch up on some sleep this weekend. This cool rainy night is the perfect start!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


* This is the second day in a row both kids have taken a significant nap at the same time. I would think it was just a dream, but I don't sleep long enough at a stretch to have those.

* I have to take the Weebles to the allergist this afternoon. They conveniently moved their office since last year so now it is a good 45 minutes away. Not looking forward to that drive in rush hour traffic. I'm really hoping that she's outgrown her egg allergy but for some reason I doubt it. It will really suck if she has to go through her whole life avoiding foods without egg in them. It makes ordering pasta, baked goods, hell even a sandwich risky business.


* Dear Cats, You are walking on thin ice here. You know I love you.. but the pee in my basket of clean laundry this morning coupled with the fact that three of you got in a cat fight right outside the nursery during aforementioned naptime has me rethinking this whole arrangement. Get your act together, mmmkay? Love, me

* I bought my first Christmas present today. It is hard to believe it is already the first day of fall. I am so ready for the cooler weather so I can take the kids outside more. I always love the summer for about the first week... after that I'm ready for the heat and humidity to go away.

* I found out this weekend that the Type A Mom Conference is in Asheville. I knew it was coming up but had no idea where it was being held. My father in law said "hey I think there's some big mommy blogger thing coming to town" and handed me an article on it. It's way too short notice for this year, but I will definitely put it on my calendar for next year. Would love to see some of my favorite bloggers speak.

* I think I'm going to like this random Tuesday thing. See you next week!

Monday, September 21, 2009

Not all fun and games at the playground

It has become evident to me, yet again, that there were a few things I didn't consider when having kids. One of them became clear to me this weekend when we took the kids to the park. Weebles is really getting into the spirit of the playground. After a couple of minutes getting her bearings she'll climb right on up and start playing. She especially loves all the other kids.

Now I do realize that there are two structures for a reason. One is for little kids like her and the other is geared more towards the bigger kids. So when she insists on going over to the big kid side I do understand that we are the ones that are out of place. That being said... I still think that children should be taught to be careful of others. Ten year olds that insist on running up the slides and then jumping from the top of the 12 foot high structure really should be given a warning by their parents that they could hurt the children trying to use the slide properly and they also could very well break their own leg in the process. Watching my tiny child way up there with some of her new tiny friends try to jump out of the way of the onslaught of large children going the wrong way as they were trying to slide down the slide brought out the mama bear in me. I didn't say anything... I didn't even give the one particular offender the look. At least not at first. This little jerk at one point nearly knocked my daughter over and she was leaning down to sit on the slide. He ran down the slide totally out of control and nearly ran into me where I had been waiting to greet my girlie after her ride down. He then looked me right in the eye and said "I'm gonna kill you!" before running off.

Now... ahem. You have to give me credit here because I didn't say a word to him. But I very nearly said "I'd like to see you try you little fucker..." and I'm not really sure what stopped me. Clearly I'm glad I didn't because he's just a kid, even if he IS a little fucker and his parents should teach him better. But I realized that I'm going to be spending a lot of time with children that aren't mine and some of them I'm just plain not going to like. How do YOU handle the insane out of control kids at the playground?

Friday, September 18, 2009

Baby Shower

So today I took a shower. You SAHM's know where I'm comin' from right? Yeah. So today was shower day. My son naps like twelve minutes at a time so you can forget about trying to gather my toddler and get downstairs and wait for the water to heat up (don't get me started on that...) and take a shower before he wakes up. So the upshot is I have to find a way to take a shower with two small mobile children in the bathroom with me. They keep me young...

Anyhoo, so I closed the closet doors and tried to secure things the best I could and hopped in. Of course the Weebles' instantly was all about getting in too. I've found it is far easier to just comply with this request so trying not to drip all over the carpet I yanked her pajamas off. But she couldn't just get in. Noooo, she must first gather all manner of bath toys to throw in too. Because, hey! rubber duckies are fun in the shower too right? Right? **crickets** As I was waiting for her to finally get in, cold air pouring in through the open door, Peanut hauls it over and tries to crawl in too. This is where I draw the line. So I'm balancing on one foot using the other to hold him back and while encouraging the Weebs to hurry up. Finally she gets in and I shut the door. Peanut takes up his spot pressed up against the doors banging with his little hands to get in. Finally. I get to the business of trying to wash my hair while the daily chorus of "Mommy doonee?" (Mommy what are you doing?) starts up.

"Mommy doonee?" - Weebles
"Washing my hair honey" - me
"Mommy doonee? - Weebles
"Washing my hair" - me
"Mommy..." - Weebles
"Hey! What is duckie doing??" - me

Ahhh she's diverted. So where was I... oh yeah where's the shampoo? Hmm wait where'd the Peanut go? I open the door to see my EIGHT MONTH OLD pretending he's really fourteen months or so climbing the little staircase that we have so that Weeb's can reach the sink. He was STANDING ON THE TOP STEP holding onto the counter. HOLY MOTHER OF #$(#$)(*#)$ I jump out of the shower and run across the room to grab him. Whew... still alive. Better hurry up I think. Just as I'm getting back in I see the Weebles' making a horrible face and batting at her tongue going Mommy, Mommy, Mommy... there was blue stuff all over her tongue. What the hell is blue in here?? I start frantically looking at bottles. Andrew's body wash. I see. Weebs is freaking out and wants out of the shower. So I carefully opened the door so as not to knock the poor Peanut over who had resumed his spot at the door and out she went. As I was hastily rinsing my hair I heard the bathroom door open. Oh great. I reach out to grab my towel only to realize it is gone. Dripping wet I chased my crawling (who knew you could crawl so darn fast?) infant out of the bathroom. I found my towel discarded in the middle of the living room. By that time both kids were sitting in front of the big screen watching Pinky Dinky Doo. Why didn't I think to put them in front of the TV in the first place???

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Monday, September 14, 2009

Nap strike

It seems my two year old has decided she no longer wants to take a nap in the middle of the day. Please excuse me while I wipe the tears in my eyes... seriously. I am praying this is just a temporary thing because mama NEEDS that nap like a fish needs water. She really needs it too. The days she hasn't napped she has gone down hard after dinner and most of the late afternoon/evening she is a beast to deal with. Another change I suppose is that I have stopped trying everything in my power to get her to sleep. I used to would lie down with her as long as it took but with a much more active baby in the house I just can't justify leaving him strapped into his bouncy seat watching TV any longer than necessary. So a few stories and a few minutes of cuddles and that's it. I'm up with a promise to come check on her. That actually worked one day but it hasn't worked since. I'm sort of at a loss. Until then I've been making her stay in the bed for at least an hour even if she is reading books and singing. It certainly isn't the same for me as having her asleep, but at least it is something.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Slawter - Party of 4

Let's have a little word about food shall we? Cause I really do love food. I especially enjoy shopping for it and cooking it. It's my pal when I'm bored, or tired or stressed so really that equates to me loving it more than my firstborn because I'm pretty much always all three of those. So interwebs.. here is the question. What is there that is a.) tasty b.) healthy c.) not crazy expensive and d.) not really really REALLY time consuming to cook because, you know, I hate to take too much time away from twitter the kids.

I menu plan. Heh okay I EVERYTHING plan. I make lists of lists that I need to make. That's how many lists I have. So anyways, I plan out a week's worth of meals at the time and then do the entire week's shopping on Fridays. This is both good and bad I suppose. I do it because I just don't have the energy to run to the store every day or two with both kids in tow. However, I'm beginning to rethink that strategy because one big run with two kids is tough too, especially with cart space already at a premium. Also inevitably I decide half way through the week that I've already made the two or three things I thought sounded really good and that chicken can just stay in the freezer until next week... let's order a pizza. But the thought of deciding what is for dinner on the spot on a night by night basis is pretty scary too.

The take away of this post I guess is that something just ain't working with my system and I need a new one. Also, recipes are always welcome. I'm sooo ready for Crock Pot weather...

Friday, September 11, 2009


As I'm sure most everyone in this country can relate, I will never forget that morning. I was at Johnny T, where else? It was bright and early and I had a girl coming in for an interview that morning. was going sllooowwww and we had the radio on. I thought I heard something about a plane and the announcer was really animated sounding. Then the phone rang and it was Jimmy calling MB to tell her what was going on. We listened and things reached the almost panic stage where we just didn't know what was going to happen next. Was this going to happen everywhere? They said on the radio that nuclear power plants were possible targets and the guy I was seeing at the time was at school fairly close to one. My interview, Denise, arrived and we had to tell her what was going on. I'm not sure we really interviewed her, but she got the job anyway. After she left I drove to my parents' house nearby and got a TV to take back to work. We all sat on the counter and watched the static-y images on the local station. The boss decided we should just go home. My parents and I spent the rest of the day watching CNN. They stayed with me that night so I wouldn't be by myself in the house and I pulled the big screen over so we could see it from my bedroom. People searching for loved ones, analysts trying to figure out what in the hell had happened. The enormity of it sinking in.

I've heard a lot of people say that date changed their lives. I don't know if I really attribute September 11th with me deciding to finally make some big changes or not. Shortly thereafter the Power Plant guy and I finally gave up and I started dating Andrew. That following fall was actually one of the happiest times in recent memory. Maybe that date should serve to remind us what REAL problems are. Banging my toe on the table leg, getting up in the middle of the night with the kids for the nine thousandth time, my daughter powering off my laptop (AGAIN!) in the middle of a post... So So SO not a big deal. I am incredibly blessed. I'm going to spend today focusing on all the things right in the world. So those bastards don't win.

Thursday, September 10, 2009


Pretty sure the depression is gonna completely bury me this week. If you don't hear from me in a few days somebody come looking for me.

One ray of sunshine: The Peanut has started putting his chubby little arms up to be picked up. Oh my hells that is cute.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Case of the Mondays

So. Sooooo. First day back from a hella weekend on the road. Peanut woke up and had to be tucked back in FOUR times last night. One, two, three FOUR times. That's too many times. Then in the span of about eight minutes this morning :

1.) I caught Lily the cat peeing on Weebles' toddler bed that I had JUST made up with clean sheets and blankets. That cat freaking loves to pee on stuff fresh out of the dryer. She clearly is a high maintenance diva type. As I was ripping everything back off the bed, swearing at the cat while giving her the evil eye and shoving everything in the washer I hear the Weebles from the kitchen.. UT OH..

2.) Weebles had dumped the entire contents of her glass of milk over the kitchen table. It was waterfalling down over all four chairs and all over the floor. Well eff me runnin'... sigh. So I'm mopping that up when...

3.) I realize the Peanut has a dirty diaper. So's I throw all the dirty towels from the milk incident into the washer with everything else and head off to change his nappy. While he was on the changing table...

4.) Weebs casually walks in with Andrew's contact lens bottle in her mouth as though it was a sport bottle of some sort. Wha??? SHIT Off to call poison control. Give her plenty to drink, chuckle chuckle she'll be fine. Sigh.

Other notables? Well I made tea this afternoon and the pitcher wasn't up against the tea maker all the way so about half a gallon of tea went all over my counter, under my appliances, soaked an entire roll of paper towels and just nearly missed my laptop which I was using to research sloppy joe recipes. Also amusing was going to the garage to grab a bucket and bringing it in the house only to notice a petrified dead mouse in the bottom of it.


Sloppy joes were tasty though. Really tasty.

Mary's Tuesdays-that-are-Mondays-suck-worse-than-regular-Mondays Sloppy Joes

1 lb ground beef
1/2 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup chopped green pepper
2 tsp garlic powder
2 tsp yellow mustard
1 cup (or more to desired consistency) ketchup
3 T brown sugar

Brown the beef with the onions and pepper. Drain. Add other ingredients and let simmer ten or fifteen minutes. I added a little bit of water to make 'em extra sloppy. I'll never use that canned stuff again.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Chattanooga Choo Choo

We're in the great state of Tennessee for the.. well.. day I guess. It is a whirlwind this weekend. We had the kids in the van for something like 9 out of just under 24 hours and I was about to go batty for sure. They have been champs though. Weebles has really been loving all the new things to see and do. As for me, I'm enjoying my evening in a hotel room in the dark with two sleeping kids. WhoOoOoOoO!

Friday, September 4, 2009

Extreme Home Makeover - Peanut Edition

The Peanut's nursery is finally "done." I still would like to find him a rug and a lamp.. but otherwise we've accomplished all we wanted to do in there. It is super cozy. I even somewhat enjoy getting to sleep up there half the night on the couch while nursing him. Weebles' loves playing in there since we've spent so much time in there getting it set up. Next up (and already in the works) is her room. Stay tuned!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

That crazy man in Wal-Mart

My adrenaline rushes when I think about being that mother of the "slapped by a stranger in Wal-Mart" toddler. The question has been flying all around twitter and various blogs and even CNN with the lovely Kristen from Motherhood Uncensored this morning: What would you have done?

I can certainly tell you what I would have wanted to do. I would have wanted to beat the living hell out of that man. Any person that even thinks about hurting my babies earns themselves an immediate "You go to hell, you go to hell and you die!" from me. They don't talk about the Mama Bear instinct for nothing. It is very real. I remember overhearing that my mother told someone that she thought my daughter (who had trouble gaining weight and was by no means a chubby baby, but even if she was, babies are supposed to be chubby dammit) was overweight when she was a couple of months old. I could have kicked my own mother's ass for that one. As it was I called her up and blessed her out and refused to tell her the Weebles' weight for at least a year.

What I would have actually done? Well I imagine I would have been way too stunned to do anything. It would most likely have become one of those instances that you look back on thinking "why didn't I do this, or that instead of just stand there?" I'm sure I would be consoling my child as well because HELLO dumbass, do you think HITTING A CHILD is going to calm them down? Fuckwit. If someone's kid is pissing you off that bad, hit the parent you moron. Oh that's right.. that would have meant taking on someone his own size.

I did wonder this morning as I wandered around Wal-Mart with my shopping list that was half eaten and covered in drool from my baby what other shoppers were thinking of us. My daughter must have said "mommy" three thousand times during the half hour we were in the store. It goes a little something like this "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, cracker! CRACKER mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy MORE CRACKER, mommy." At some points she decides to revert to crawling. Not sure why on that one other than she suspects that it drives me bonkers. My son was reaching from his seat and managing to get hold of items I had put in the cart. He completely ate the tag off a pair of pajamas. The kid has a thing for paper. I also got to the check out and found a Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal holding a baby blanket under the cart. I bought it because I didn't really know what else to do with it. Baby gift perhaps? Small price to pay to get next week's grocery shopping done. FTW!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Day in the life of a Baby Buncher

4:15 AM : I hear the Peanut (8 months old) over the monitor. I head up to his room assuming he is hungry and needs to nurse and will go back to sleep. Error #1: Never assume.

5:00 AM : After much rocking and bouncing and nursing and pleading I give up on him going back to sleep. We head downstairs and I put him in his bouncy seat and turn on Classical Baby. I need at least 20 minutes to mourn the remainder of my sleep.

6:00 AM : The Weebles (just barely 2 years old) wakes up. She has been sleeping, along with her Sing Along Elmo Doll, in our bed for the last month because she absolutely refuses her crib. She plays with her little brother while my husband gets ready for work.

I start load of laundry #1 (sheets)

7:00 AM : Husband leaves for work and I feed both kids breakfast. Note: I didn't say they ATE it. After breakfast I take a shower, which my toddler insists upon joining me for. I let my infant crawl around in our (carpeted) bathroom while we get ready. He bangs on the door to the shower and cries when I won't let him come in too. Total time in shower: 2 1/2 minutes. Error #2 : Don't bother trying to shower.

Switch laundry, start load of laundry #2 (darks)

9:00 AM : Get everyone diapered, nurse the baby, pack up the sippies and snacks, find my keys and cell phone, buckle everyone into the van. Off to run errands. The Peanut falls asleep the minute we pull into the parking lot. Is understandably pissed when I wake him up to go inside. Hey buddy, I know how you're feeling. (see 4:00 AM) Error #3 : Don't try to go out during naptime, even if you know the baby isn't going to sleep if you stay home.

9:30 AM : In Target, Weebles insists we get the huge cart with the little seat for big kids. It is a beast to push around. She sits in it all of about forty five seconds before she bolts. Then I'm stuck chasing her AND pushing around a transfer truck of a cart. I dole out one of those applesauce pouches and she walks calmly beside me for a couple of minutes. "Mommy more applesauce. Mommy more applesauce." Repeat 100 times. Error #4 ALWAYS bring more applesauce.

11:00 AM : Rush back home to feed kids lunch. Note: I didn't say they ATE it. Nurse the baby and try to put him down since he only had a five minute morning nap. He's having none of it. Wide awake and ready to go. Let him play in the pack n' play while I read stories and tuck his sister in for her nap. Error #5 : Don't count on eight month old needing any naps whatsoever.

Switch laundry, start load of laundry #3 (towels)

1:00 - 3:00 PM : The Weebles naps. I blog, check email, twitter while the Peanut crawls around and plays in his room. I try to put him down three more times. He finally drifts off and as his little head hits the crib mattress I hear his sister wake up. Error #6 : Don't even let yourself CONSIDER the option of having half hour to yourself while both children nap. You will be disappointed.

Switch laundry, start load of laundry #4 (whites)

3:00 - 3:05 : The Peanut naps. I kid you not.

Spend the afternoon folding laundry, playing blocks, changing diapers, handing out snacks that have an equal chance of getting ground into the carpeting as they do making it into toddler's mouth, changing children's shirts (spit up, water from the sink, baby food, finger paint.. the list goes on), deflecting telemarketers, and in general begging my husband to hurry up and come home.

Switch laundry, start load of laundry # 5 (baby clothes)

5:00 PM : Time to start dinner. Let Weebles' play with water toys on the screened in porch while the Peanut hangs out in the Pack n' Play. Empty dishwasher and reload with dishes that have accumulated during the day.

6:00 PM : Husband gets home. It is all a race from here. The baby is falling apart in his high chair. The Weebs has on no clothes because she got soaked on the porch earlier and insists on sitting on my lap. I feed everyone dinner. Note: I didn't say they ATE it.

7:00 PM : We rush through the bath/pj/teeth brushing routine. I take the baby upstairs and nurse him and tuck him in. Head downstairs to join in with story time with my daughter. The baby is already fussing over the monitor. Husband goes upstairs to rock the baby to sleep while I read stories and tuck in the Weebles. I lie with her while she flips, flops, laughs, sings, crawls under the pillows, and otherwise avoids going to sleep for the next hour and a half.

9:00 PM : Finally both children are asleep. For now...

For more glimpses into the day of a baby buncher head over to Baby Bunching.