Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Y'all gone make me lose my mind..

Cue tiny violins: I'm pretty sure I'm losing it. Most days are okay, some days great. But man the bad days really suck. I feel like I'm dragging myself along. We haven't gotten much sleep the last three nights. Weebs has been waking up super early and coming downstairs and having a really hard time getting back to sleep. Lots of crying and tantrums etc. It's like she wants to go back to sleep but can't. Last night I probably got a sum total of 4 hours of sleep with no two of those coming back to back. The two nights before were a little better but not by much. I cannot tolerate my baby being upset. I just can't and I know I'm going to have to get over it a little because kids will get sick, they'll be upset or mad or sad and I won't always be able to fix it as much as that kills me. When I got home from work today she wasn't feeling well. I took her to the peds and saw a Dr we'd never seen before. He diagnosed her problem as diaper rash. Do huh? I just took my nearly two year old to the doctor for a diaper rash. Admittedly she's never had one.. I don't know how because her skin is kinda fragile what with the eczema and all. And seriously it looks like some scary #$@*. But I still can't believe I did that. It's like the time I took my dog to the vet because I thought she had a mysterious lump and it turned out to be a tick. Helllooo dumbass. I'm pretty sure the vet still pokes fun at me behind my back over that one. Anyway, it was just a rough day. Not enough sleep, a total panic over Weebs feeling bad, I smashed my hand a few days ago and it still hurts so I'm figuring I might need to find time to get that looked at, oh and did I mention I'm crazy? I think that's where I was going with this. I'm thinking this PPD might be lingering just a little too long for my liking. I'm ready to kick the weepy days, the days where I cannot drag my sorry self off the floor, the days where I worry about everything so much that I find myself worrying if I'm worrying too much. But then again, I worry about trying to fix it too. I've never taken anything for my anxiety. What if it makes it worse?

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