Thursday, September 3, 2009

That crazy man in Wal-Mart

My adrenaline rushes when I think about being that mother of the "slapped by a stranger in Wal-Mart" toddler. The question has been flying all around twitter and various blogs and even CNN with the lovely Kristen from Motherhood Uncensored this morning: What would you have done?

I can certainly tell you what I would have wanted to do. I would have wanted to beat the living hell out of that man. Any person that even thinks about hurting my babies earns themselves an immediate "You go to hell, you go to hell and you die!" from me. They don't talk about the Mama Bear instinct for nothing. It is very real. I remember overhearing that my mother told someone that she thought my daughter (who had trouble gaining weight and was by no means a chubby baby, but even if she was, babies are supposed to be chubby dammit) was overweight when she was a couple of months old. I could have kicked my own mother's ass for that one. As it was I called her up and blessed her out and refused to tell her the Weebles' weight for at least a year.

What I would have actually done? Well I imagine I would have been way too stunned to do anything. It would most likely have become one of those instances that you look back on thinking "why didn't I do this, or that instead of just stand there?" I'm sure I would be consoling my child as well because HELLO dumbass, do you think HITTING A CHILD is going to calm them down? Fuckwit. If someone's kid is pissing you off that bad, hit the parent you moron. Oh that's right.. that would have meant taking on someone his own size.

I did wonder this morning as I wandered around Wal-Mart with my shopping list that was half eaten and covered in drool from my baby what other shoppers were thinking of us. My daughter must have said "mommy" three thousand times during the half hour we were in the store. It goes a little something like this "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, cracker! CRACKER mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy MORE CRACKER, mommy." At some points she decides to revert to crawling. Not sure why on that one other than she suspects that it drives me bonkers. My son was reaching from his seat and managing to get hold of items I had put in the cart. He completely ate the tag off a pair of pajamas. The kid has a thing for paper. I also got to the check out and found a Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal holding a baby blanket under the cart. I bought it because I didn't really know what else to do with it. Baby gift perhaps? Small price to pay to get next week's grocery shopping done. FTW!

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