Thursday, January 7, 2010

Love the One You're With

I used to be so happy when it was just the Weebles and she was tucked into bed safely beside me. I could actually sleep well that way, without worrying so much. Then Peanut was born and all that changed. Now, even when she was snuggled next to me.. he wasn't. So my heart ached for him, wishing he was next to me too. I felt bad that he was all alone in his little crib while we were all down here together. Of course it isn't always that way. Now some nights he will be curled up on his belly between us while Weebles is upstairs in her bed. Then I wish I were with her. We haven't really tried cosleeping with both of them at the same time. I keep thinking when they are older it will be easier, when I don't have to worry quite so much about one of them going off the side or waking the other up. By then there is a good possibility that we'll have a third child and I'll be right back in the same boat. This same feeling surfaces when I am spending one on one time with one or the other. I'll be cooking or coloring with my daughter and I'll feel badly that my son is playing cars by himself. Or I'll be building a block tower with my little boy and feel bad that my daughter is watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Why can't I let go of the guilt and really enjoy connecting with each of my children on their own?

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