We're moving

Today is my one year "blog-iversary" and to celebrate I have some big news. We are packing up shop and moving. I've been considering it for quite awhile and finally got around to making it happen...

What's that? Oh, I didn't mean we were selling our house and moving. No silly! We are moving over to our new home at oneperfectmess.com. So you should go there. No really. Please?

Discouraged but determined

Today marks the end of February and the end of my first big work out challenge. While I have done the Shred off and on for several months, I haven't been dedicated to making it the entire month until now. And make it I did. In full disclosure I did not stick to the Shred every single day. Instead I alternated that with Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism and No More Trouble Zones which are 40+ minute workouts as opposed to the 20 minute Shred. I clocked in 11 1/2 hours of Jillian in 28 days. I made an effort to eat a little healthier in the first part of the month and then finally switched over to keeping on WW Points the second half of the month.

So, you'd think I would have seen a pretty significant change in the numbers wouldn't you? I certainly thought I would. But surprisingly, and perhaps a teeny tiny whole hell of a lot disappointing to me is the fact that I didn't. I didn't see any appreciable change in either weight or measurements which pretty much baffles me.

But, there are big positives. I am so much stronger at the end of this month than I was at the beginning. I can run all over chasing the kids and never get out of breath. I feel light years stronger and can see definition in all sorts of places where it wasn't before. And I have apparently been brainwashed into liking exercise which I cannot believe. I find myself absentmindedly doing cardio while waiting for Jillian to finish her opening spiel and I find ways to fit in workouts even when I really don't have time for them. I can bust through Level 1 and actually modify several of the exercises to make them harder. So even though I haven't changed on the outside, Jillian has certainly managed to kicked my brain into shape.

Looking to March I will continue to stay on Points as much as I hate it. WW is really great and I loved it the first time around but it is so much easier to have meals you like that are Points friendly when you only have yourself to worry about. With a husband and kids to feed and eight million other things to do it is hard to find the time to stay focused on getting the math to work out. Stick with Jillian for the rest of the month doing Shred on the days I don't have time for a full workout and upping the frequency of BFBM since I suspect more cardio wouldn't hurt. NMTZ is by far my favorite because I love all the strength training but I need the cardio too. If, after the next month I still don't see my stats going anywhere then I will reassess but I hope that won't be the case.

The Greatest Show on Earth

We took the kids to the circus today. I hadn't been in probably 10 years and it has changed quite a bit. I guess you expect the staples of childhood to always remain pretty much the same so I'm not sure how I feel about it. The kids had a great time even though the Weebs spent the first twenty minutes asking where the tigers were.

I also feel conflicted about the animal situation. Clearly it isn't ideal for them to be shuttled from town to town on the train. I can only hope that the people that work with them day in and day out see to it that they are taken care of as well as the situation allows.

I was mostly impressed with the behind the scenes work. I didn't even watch half of the colorful spinning hip hop abacadabra. I found the army of people wearing black that were making it all happen much more interesting. It is amazing how organized and choreographed the whole production is.

I'm glad we went, and I'm glad the kids had so much fun. Must admit I'm disappointed at what the circus has turned into though. The circus just isn't the circus without the clown car.

Why I puffy heart Jamie Oliver

Many thanks to Crunchy Domestic Goddess for bringing this video to my attention. Jamie Oliver has always been one of my favorite chefs.

This issue particularly hits home for me. When I was pregnant with Weebles and after she was born I spent a great deal of time and effort buying only organic and switching out all our cleaning products with natural alternatives. We still stick with all the personal/cleaning products but have drifted away from all organic food although we certainly still buy it when it is readily available. The problem is that it is really damn hard to eat healthy, fresh, local organic food on a budget. With two small children I simply don't have the time to travel 30 minutes to a specialty grocer to buy all the items that I would ideally like. Not to mention the several hundred dollars a month I would likely spend doing so. Also, in order to get really good organic food it is necessary to eat what is in season. I don't have the know how as it is to make this work for my family.

This is the kind of thing that should be taught in schools. What is in season at various times of the year and the best ways to serve it. Recipes and cooking techniques for making quick, healthy meals at home. Where in the hell did home economics go? When did someone decide that knowing how to dress yourself and feed yourself was no longer necessary? I still don't know how to properly iron a shirt. That knowledge would have served me far better than knowing how to conjugate a french verb. Thanks to this timely reminder I am going to sign up for the local CSA. I have been intimidated in the past by all the vegetables on the list that I wouldn't readily know how to cook. I am challenging myself to learn about them and find ways to serve them to my family. Eggplant parm anyone?

Lunch with Daddy

I took the kids to see Andrew at his office today. We hadn't been in over a year and Peanut had never been at all. This wasn't exactly a planned trip but Andrew forgot his lunch and since he was going to have to go out anyway we thought it was a good chance to have lunch with him. Since it is an hour commute each way this took up the major part of our day but I think it was worth it. The kids had fun and ate a bunch of french fries and ketchup. We'll have to put it on our rotation of things to do every so often.

Wordless Wednesday - How do YOU eat a cupcake?

My boy

Not only did he find his sister's crayons and is about to go crazy on that wall behind him, he climbed up in a chair in order to get on top of the table he is sitting on to do so. That look in his eye tells me he knows all too well that he is in trouble.

Not Me Monday

It was Not Me that whined literally the entire way through No More Trouble Zones yesterday. That would have been pathetic.

It is Not Me that employs the faulty logic that all the unhealthy food in the house should be eaten in the days leading up to a period of healthy eating. That would be silly, thinking the calories are any less bad for me one day versus the next.

It was Not Me that somehow allowed myself to end up with four house cats. No, really... can that NOT be me??

It is Not Me that stayed up until after midnight both nights this past weekend watching movies when the kids were both sleeping great. It would have been insanity to miss out on the first opportunities for sleep I have had in months.

It is Not Me that is dragging my feet picking out a name for my new blog. I am great at making decisions.. surely.

It was Not Me yesterday that kicked a ball across the yard and smacked the poor baby right in the back of the head so hard that he fell on his face. That would've made me feel like a crappy mom.

New happenings

I forget for long periods of time why I bother to write a blog to begin with. To avoid having to update the baby books. They sit on a shelf mocking me every time I walk by them. Well EFF you baby books, I've got a record of everything and can go back and fill you in when my kids are older and won't have anything to do with me. I'll just switch pens around so it won't be so obvious.

New notables from the Peanut:

If you ask him where the moon is he will look into the sky until he finds it and then point and say "mooooon"

He loves to pick up various phones around the house and walk around with them against his ear saying "HELLO! HELLO!" very loudly.

One of his new favorite games is making faces at himself in the mirror. Especially fun is when someone else plays with him and copies the faces he is making.

He is totally obsessed with his blankies.

New from the Weebles:

Really getting into getting clothes out of her drawers and trying to put them on. Does a fairly good job but gets her pants on backwards about half the time.

Major language spurt in the last three months or so. She can form all kinds of long sentences and thoughts now.

Problem solving has also really taken off. She can figure out all sorts of solutions to problems... including how to get her way more often.

Can identify most colors, some shapes, count to eleven, and can sing a bunch of songs.

Uniform

I never understood why people dressed their kids alike. Until I had kids that is. The temptation is just too great with two so close in age. I don't know whether it is because I love symmetry and it is so easy and gratifying to get one in pink and one in blue and be done with it or if I like unifying my little troops or what. It isn't just clothes though. More than that it is toys, foods, treats... it makes treating them equally much easier. I'm sure somehow it stems back to my laziness, most things do.

Today I...

Today I took out of my little boy's mouth:

Cat food
A popcorn kernel
Uncooked dried beans
A stick
An acorn
Crayon
Play Doh
A piece of chalk
Dirt
A sticker
A piece of cardboard

He is so bad about sticking things in his mouth that when I tell his sister to make sure he doesn't get something he shouldn't have she says in a bored tone "oh yeah, he eat it?"

Random Thought Thursday

*I have to suppress a giggle every time Pete calls him "Mickey the Mouse." My kids have taken whatever tiny bit of cool I had and peed on it, scratched it with their tiny fingernails and then dropped it down a heat vent.

*Going to the library to get new books to read the kids seems like such a great outing for them. Unfortunately I cannot actually pick any new books while I have them with me because I spend the entire time chasing them down, rescuing my teetering toddler from his perch atop the reading tables and issuing threats in a hissy whisper.

*I should not try to exercise with my children underfoot. I am not a nice person when I exercise and I find myself being entirely too snippy by the eleventh "mommy what you doing?"

*I need more lunch ideas that are heavy on the protein. Between the breastfeeding and working out every day I am so punchy for calories by mid-afternoon that I find myself eating icing out of the container with a spoon. Seems like there would be a much better way to get the energy I need.

*It is hard to think of very many random thoughts because every other thought I have is "I am so freaking tired."

Wordless Wednesday - Go Go Go!

Nap Trap

We are in the nap trap around here. I knew it was too good to last when both kids would sleep for a couple of hours in the afternoon. The last few weeks the Peanut has been taking his morning nap around nine and then not wanting to sleep again until late in the afternoon.

** Insert lots of whining and frustration and tiny violins here **

I know eventually he'll go from two naps to one and then we should have a good chance they will overlap again for awhile. Not only does it make going out and doing things difficult with Peanut's nap from 9-11, Weebles nap from 12-3 and then Peanut's nap from 4-6 but more importantly there is zero time in my day where both kids are sleeping! It might not be the only reason for my grumpy mood these days, but it sure isn't helping!

Not Me Monday

It was Not Me that wore the same pair of jeans every day last week without bothering to wash them. Well.. it wasn't like I didn't bother to wash them so much as it was I had them on every time I did laundry so I couldn't.

It is Not Me that has to put my 14 month old son in a car seat (his sister's pink one no less) to get him to sleep more than 20 minutes. That would seem like bad parenting, or something.

It is Not Me that doesn't bother to even try washing my two year old's hands when we use public restrooms. Between the high counter that is always soaked, the automatic water that won't stay on and the stupid hand dryers that are totally inefficient it just isn't worth the struggle. We use Purell and call it a day.

It was Not Me earlier this week that told my toddler that if she opened the front door to the house by herself without an adult there with her that a big monster might be in the yard and he might get her. In retrospect that would have probably not been the best way to discourage that... you know IF that had been me. Which it wasn't.

My little Valentines

Change of Plans

I totally suck at spontaneity. I like love NEED to plan like some people perhaps need to breathe. Back before I had children when I had plenty of paid vacation days and expendable income I was at times known to have the next two years' worth of vacations and travels planned out. I still absolutely must have my calendar in good form and if a toddler happens to scribble on it with an errant crayon I have on three separate occasions gone out and bought another entire yearly calendar because I just couldn't take looking at the disorder. So, to say I get uptight and pissy when plans suddenly change is a little bit of an understatement. I know it is something I need to work on.. that seems to be a common theme with me these days.

This weekend my in laws were supposed to come visit. They were going to come in Thursday night and stay until Sunday because my father in law had a work related something or other nearby. My husband relayed that my mother in law planned to do some cooking so we'd have some premade meals since we're still having a tough time of things health wise around here. They also offered to watch the kids so we could go out and see a movie for the first time since the Weebs was born.

Now just two weeks ago they were supposed to come and we told the Weebles the entire week that her SiSi and Granddaddy would be here to see them on Friday. We played it up, day after day. She, especially, gets very very excited about seeing them. A huge snowstorm was on the way and they had to cancel their trip for fear of getting stuck here a few extra days. Unfortunately they didn't make that decision until they day they were supposed to come so I had already done all the shopping and cleaning for their visit and was somewhat annoyed they couldn't have made that call a little sooner since the weather had been forecast for several days at that point.

So, I learned my lesson a bit for this visit. We didn't mention anything to the kids and I didn't really do much to get ready for visitors until the day they were to arrive. My husband called the night before to make sure the trip was still on. I got up Thursday and cleaned up the house, trashed all the extra stuff in the fridge since I knew my MIL would need the space, went to the store to get a few items I thought we might need for breakfast and when the kids woke up from their naps I told them their grandparents were coming. My 2 year old was so excited she cleaned up all her toys and sat on the front steps a good five hours before they were scheduled to arrive. I even emailed them to show them a picture of her waiting for them and got back an email saying they were hurrying.

My husband called them on his way home from work to see what time they were going to get in and was told that his mom couldn't make it because she was sick but that his dad was still coming. W.T.F? Of course, I feel terrible that she is sick and sometimes things just happen. But since I had just gone through all of this two weeks ago I was pretty upset. This meant I needed to go back to the grocery store to make sure I'd have something to serve for dinner Saturday night since SiSi wouldn't be here to cook. So on Friday I drug my kids out and went to two different stores to get food for dinner tonight. Then last night my father in law casually mentioned that he wouldn't be coming back after his conference today, he was going straight back home. Umm what? He spent less than an hour the entire trip with the kids because by the time he got here both nights they were either already in bed, or nearly so. Not to mention I have a ton of food that we don't need.

In all fairness just a few weeks ago they came down to help us out when the kids first got RSV. They have been a huge help to us on many many occasions. It is just a totally different approach to life and I need to figure out how to get our two styles to coexist because it has been a source of frustration to me several times in the past. I know I need to go with the flow a lot better but I'd like to think it isn't unreasonable to point out to them that when they bail on plans at the last minute it really can affect us. And as the kids get older they won't be so easy to distract when they get disappointed.

The Weebles is sleeping peacefully in my lap, it is snowing outside and all should be right with my world. Yet... somehow I'm still in a shit mood. Meh.

Random Thought Thursday

**Where the eff did the badge for this go? Thanks for nothing Google.

**I am in a pretty shit mood today. I am getting really tired of people not doing what they say they are going to. It isn't like I go to any trouble or anything.

**I hate putting sheets and pillowcases back on the bed after washing them.

**Tomorrow is the last day of our most recent round of antibiotics. If these don't work we are getting sent to an ENT which might mean surgery for our little ones. All because of one stupid fucking virus. The kids are both still coughing with runny noses so I don't have great hopes that this was the miracle cure.

**I took the day off from Shred. I had hoped to have plenty of time to myself the next few days as the in laws were supposed to be here to spend time with the kids. That didn't work out so it is going to be much harder to fit in me time this weekend. Me time is in short supply around here the last month or so. Got NMTZ in the mail today and was really looking forward to giving it a try. Maybe I will get lucky and they will nap at the same time tomorrow.

**I am in danger of a full blown Fage addiction. Please tell me Greek yogurt is healthy.

**The Weebles learned how to use the touch pad on the laptop today to play the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse games on Disney.com. She is going to be zooming around the internet in no time.

**I really need to work on moving my blog. But there are about a hundred other things I'd rather do first when I find a minute to myself so it might be awhile yet.

**Did I mention I was in a shit mood? Yeah.

Wordless Wednesday - Welcome Home

Love & Logic

I've started reading parenting books because the fear of raising axe murderers has started to set in after getting a gander at a category 5 toddler tantrum. I'm going to review them as I finish them to help me glean the finer points of each since it is already evident there is no "one size fits all" answer.

The first up is the Love & Logic method. Sounded good to me and endorsed by the teachers at my daughter's preschool so I checked it out of the library and gave it a once over. The basic premise is to use natural consequences to teach children about good decision making. Sounds logical I suppose. Unfortunately I have to take issue with a few points in the book. I know that tearing apart an entire method due to just one or two examples is going overboard but these in particular really seemed... well, like shitty parenting.

The first was the notion that if your child is getting physically attacked by an older child for being a smartass to them you should let it continue because a black eye is a small price to pay for learning that you shouldn't be a smartass. Umm no. I hope my children aren't smartasses but honestly if they are it is totally my my husband's fault. Assault is never appropriate. I don't see how the logical conclusion to that wouldn't be that my child would learn that then they can turn around and beat up other people when they don't like how they are acting. Totally ridiculous.

The second suggestion that I found outrageous was the concept of withholding food. The example was to tell your child that they could join the family for the next meal as soon as they mowed the lawn. If they didn't mow the lawn, no food. "Hey I work to buy food to eat and that's how life works kid." Yeah. Notsomuch. I think teaching them to value of work is very important and they can learn to earn money to buy extras and other things they might want but not necessarily need. I believe that it is a parent's job to provide necessities for their children and that most certainly includes food. Anybody that refuses to feed their child because they wouldn't mow the lawn is an asshole.

Aside from those extreme examples I do thing there was good to be taken from the book. Giving your child choices, even from a young age (they suggested nine months) teaches them good decision making skills and builds confidence. Plus, you might meet with less resistance if you give your kid a choice rather than dole out orders all the time. We have been trying this, and lots of times it is great. When dealing with something my 2 1/2 year simply doesn't want to do it gets us nowhere. "Hey honey, would you like to take your medicine in the living room or the kitchen?" or "Would you like to take it all by yourself or do you want mommy to help you?" gets me a nice loud "Uh UH". But I do like the idea of choices so we'll definitely be working that into our routine a lot more. I also like the idea of giving plenty of empathy and keeping your child's problems theirs instead of taking them on yourself. Telling your child you are so sorry they are tired because they refused to nap and empathizing with them that you know how you feel super tired when you don't get sleep plants in their little minds that the way they are feeling is a result of their own actions.

Up next: The Discipline Book by Dr Sears

Stop me if you've heard this one...

Still sick. We were right back to urgent care tonight with fevers and a goopy ear. Four infected ears. Sigh. New medicines for everyone. I really hope this does the trick otherwise we're getting handed a referral to an ENT. We didn't even bother putting them to bed in their rooms. The Peanut is sleeping happily (so far) in his car seat and the Weebles is tucked into our bed. She is very restless though so I'm not getting much sleep.

So this post isn't yet another waaa waaa waaaa post there were some cute things that happened today. This morning the Weebs was in such a hurry to get to school that she went into her dad's closet while he was in the shower and drug off a dress shirt from its hanger, pulled a tie off the rack and grabbed two of his dress shoes. She left these offerings on the floor outside the shower. She is really taking an interest in getting dressed too. Tonight she tried to put on her own pajamas. She managed to get the pants almost all the way up... unfortunately the had put them on upside down. ;)

Off to try to sleep some more. I have a feeling it might be a long few days coming up....

2 1/2

Weebles,

Today is your half birthday. Which is sort of a silly milestone I guess but given that you have a summer birthday it will probably come into play for school parties and the like. Plus, I love any opportunity to celebrate you. You have grown up so, SO much in the last six months. You are most definitely a little girl now. You no longer wear diapers, you sleep in a big girl bed (sometimes mine!) and you go to preschool three mornings a week.

Admittedly 2 1/2 is a tough stage for all of us. Some things have been getting better, you have been having fewer tantrums and had a great day with your Mana and Papa. For the last month or two you wouldn't have anything to do with them and would sit in my lap the entire time they were here. Bedtime has become a huge struggle lately and it is making things hard on all of us. But I know we will come out on the other side. Hopefully soon. Very, very soon.

I miss your baby days. It is hard for me to look at you and realize how far you have come in such a short time. Of course it is exciting to see you learn and grow but you are growing so fast it scares your Mama. My precious little baby girl. Please don't rush to grow up. And please, for the love of God go to bed.

Love,
Mama

Sleep deprivation

My plan this weekend was to run the kids from one activity to the next so ensure they would be so tired at the end of the day that they would sleep properly. Coming off basically a month of being sick we have been cooped up in the house and everyone was bored, restless and not sleeping worth a damn. Andrew and I are both at a breaking point we are both so tired. We haven't slept the entire night in the same bed in a month. Poor Andrew has slept sitting up on the couch more nights than not holding the Peanut who can't breathe very well lying down thanks to the gift that keeps on givin', RSV. Last night I spent several hours in the chair in our bedroom with BOTH children asleep on my lap. So, I went into the weekend with an iron resolve to wear these little people out. The secondary goals were to a.) have a TV free weekend (again, cooped up in the house, way too much Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, it was time to go cold turkey) and b.) get them out of the house so that Andrew could have several hours at a time without anyone around so he could catch up on work, sleep and drawing.

So here I sit. Nearly 10 on Saturday night listening to my two year old freak out over the monitor at her dad. I've already been in her room with her for well over an hour and the girl just isn't going to sleep. WTF? I am so exhausted I'm not entirely sure I'm awake as I write this. How in the hell can a two year old still be going strong? And the real kicker is that even when if she finally does go to sleep her little brother will be up.

Oh bottle of wine in the fridge... will I ever get to spend some quality time with you?

Toddler - "Mommy what's this?" holding up a ball of play doh

Me - "Hmm what do you think it is?"

Toddler - "Poop! It go in potty, I get special treat!" Runs towards bathroom

Happy weekend!!

Prompt #4 : Ten Seven things I never knew until I was a mom

Just how damn useful baby wipes are. I will never be without them again. Need to detail the van? Baby wipes. Stain on your shirt? Baby wipes. Want to wipe of the bathroom counter or dust the top of the TV? Baby wipes.

How insane children make you feel. They are totally irrational little beings yet you can't help but try to reason with them which leaves me feeling like I'm losing my marbles most of the time. "Honey if you don't take your antibiotics you'll never get better and will feel like hell much longer than necessary." - me "NO!" - Toddler

Just how little sleep parents get. You hear about it, you laugh about it.. then you live it and think, "Holy hell, will I ever sleep again?" I also wonder how little sleep one can survive on without actually dying.

I had no idea what constituted a "child friendly" place until I had kids of my own. First up, it has to be noisy. Like Cracker Barrel noisy or Red Robin noisy. You want to be able to walk in there and be totally drowned out. Bonus points if your restaurant or store has an area set up with toys so that the parents can actually eat or shop in peace for ten minutes. We don't get that luxury often and we will thank you a thousand times over.

Having children has highlighted what a hypochondriac I am. During pregnancy I was pretty sure I was on the verge of losing the baby and thereby dying myself at least a dozen times. After they were born I stared at my babies wondering how on earth they would remember to breath. Every illness or fever sends me right over the edge of reason with worry. I probably need to work on that.

Being a mom has taught me how much I suck at imaginative play. I blame my upbringing on this one. Really.. I'm totally clueless. I honestly cannot understand the fun in pretending to do something. But I think I do a decent job of faking it. At least my two year old doesn't seem to catch on yet...

There is never enough time to finish anything.

Wordless Wednesday

Groundhog Day

So you've seen the movie, right? Everyone has seen that movie. I've probably seen it a dozen times and to be honest I really wasn't all that impressed the first several viewings but it is one of those movies that is always on one of the cable channels and it is easy to zone out to. The more I have thought about it the more I like the premise of the movie. You get to do over the same day over and over again until you finally manage to get it just how you want it. Not having to think in hind sight about how you wish you'd said this or that, or how you wish you'd gone back to check on that stranded motorist or how you wish you'd spent more time playing Legos when your toddler asked and less time scanning the headlines on TMZ.

As a stay at home parent my days can be super monotonous. This is most pronounced in the newborn days when day and night all just run together in a 3 hour cycle of feed the baby, stare at the baby, try to play with the baby, repeat. But the days still seem to run one right into the other with two toddlers So, it is the perfect opportunity to stage a Groundhog Day of my own. From being more cheerful first thing in the morning (even when the kids aren't) to dedicating more of my day to slowing down and making Play Doh animals or building block towers I want to make sure each day is the best we can do as a family. Now I'm off to have a word with that silly groundhog... six more weeks of winter?

Not Me! Monday

It was definitely Not Me that left extra cake batter in the mixing bowl so that there would be more to lick off the spoon. Everybody knows those calories don't count.

It couldn't possibly have been me that allowed my children to eat every meal at the coffee table for the last three days. If I had done that I surely would have been doing a LOT of vacuuming up of crumbs.

I'm sure it was someone else that after finishing BFBM this morning stayed upstairs a few extra minutes to catch up on blog reading instead of rushing downstairs to take over with the kids.

And it absolutely was Not Me that neglected this blog the last three weeks while nursing two pitiful sick babies back to health. The mood around here would have had to have been so bad that I had nothing to say worth remembering for that to happen.

It is Not Me that has been unable to locate the only land line telephone in our house. The last time I saw it The Peanut was toddling around with it. Four days ago. We have searched everywhere. It wouldn't be quite as funny except he didn't also drool all over my cell phone rendering the back lit display useless. When I have a text message or missed call I have to find a flashlight to shine on the screen. People that try to get in touch with me can tell just how "together" I am.

It has however been me doling out lots of extra hugs and kisses to the babies. Watching them enjoy playing in the snow after wrestling with snow suits and related accessories for a solid twenty minutes first. Enjoying having the husband home and having time to just BE. We don't get around to doing nothing very often and that is a shame. I could use another few days like these. Anybody have any extra snow they could send our way?

Two weeks

Seven urgent care visits
One overnight trip to the ER
Two nebulizer treatments
One inhaler
Five antibiotic prescriptions
One chest x-ray
Three bottles of children's Tylenol
One bottle of children's Motrin
Zero nights where anyone got any sleep to speak of
Two boxes of popsicles
30 hours worth of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
An unexpected "staycation" last week for Andrew
And a one week visit from the MIL to save us all from starving

It really wasn't as glamorous as it all sounds.

Silver Linings

I've been missing lately. We've been having fun with this crazy little thing called RSV over here and quite honestly I'm so fried from the stress and lack of sleep that I haven't even felt like stringing a set of words together and smacking it on the internets. All hope is not lost however. I like to try to find the positive. Here are my favorite things about having two small children with a serious virus:

Diaper changes haven't been a wrestling match. The kid actually lies still.

Bedtimes aren't a fight. Both kids are more than ready to conk out. They don't stay asleep but these are the positives people...

Naps. Lots and lots of naps.

My baby boy has learned to be a snuggler. Even as a newborn he wouldn't sleep in my arms. Now he snuggles in like a champ and drifts off to sleep. He picked this skill up quickly seeing as how he had to sleep being held for four! nights! straight!

We have enough antibiotic on hand to cover our entire family in the event of a terrorist attack. Five entire courses of it as a matter of fact. Hardly any of it that my daughter was willing to touch even upon threat of death or having to go to the doctor for a BIG SCARY SHOT.

Guilt free days filled with no fewer than a dozen episodes of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Plenty of opportunity to hammer out my Hot Dog Dance style and slowly lose my mind.

Not one thought given to the ramifications of having cheese sticks for breakfast. FOR BREAKFAST PEOPLE. It is pure survival around here folks.

My toddler begs to take a bath since it helps her breathe.

I have gotten so little sleep (meaning absolutely none some nights) for the last week that when I go back to being woken up every two hours it will seem wonderful.

Happy Delurker Day!

How I made it until mid afternoon without realizing it was National Delurker Day I do not know... oh wait yes I do. It is called our first ear infection. Little Weebs made it to 2 1/2 without an ear infection so now I feel like she is finally a "real child." Sniffle. 4 mornings in preschool and we have an ear infection. The Hell. Sigh, Motrin and good ol' antibiotics are helping to fix her up. She was in a pitiful state. And yes, for the record I am against willy nilly use of antibiotics. At least I was until it was my baby hurting. *Ahem hypocrite. Happy Delurker Day! Feel free to say hi! I see you out there. :)

Separation Anxiety

What has happened to my delightful little girl? It has been really stressful around here the last couple of weeks. She. has. LOST. IT. Almost all the time. The Weebles positively refuses to let me out of her sight at all times. She wakes up over and over again at night hysterical that I'm not there. We will go over to my parents' house to visit and she'll be having a great time with her Papa only to realize I'm not within sight and freak out. She will then insist I carry her until we get back home lest I disappear again.

Andrew and I traced the problems back to when I was working a few extra hours over Christmas. I usually work two mornings a week while my mom comes over to stay with the kids. Over Christmas I picked up one extra afternoon shift and also worked Saturday mornings and Sunday afternoons. Andrew was here all of those extra times to be with the kids. It didn't seem like a ton of time to me, but then again I'm not 2 years old. She got so she wouldn't want me to leave but she didn't bring out the full blown tantrums, yet.

The week before Christmas she started having a really difficult time going to sleep at night. She claimed there were dragons in her window and she was scared. It was heartbreaking to see her so upset. Even if she was in my arms she would be scared. But, once she finally did fall asleep she would sleep through the night and be her usual happy self by morning.

Then of course it was the holidays and we were all over the place. Visiting virtually everyone in the family and there were presents presents presents for about four straight days. It was a lot of excitement and really too much to process for a small child. By the time we got home she was clearly over stimulated. Unfortunately there was no time for a break because the Peanut's birthday rolled around a week later and all the relatives were back with more PRESENTS of course.

I made the idiot decision to start her in preschool three mornings a week right after New Year's. It seemed like a good time.. it would give her something new to be excited about once the thrill of Christmas was gone I thought.

Things are much MUCH worse now. The first day of preschool I had to pick her up early because she was inconsolable. The second day they said she did much better. Drop off went okay but she got upset when she realized I was gone. She was back to normal by pick up time. Wednesday was heart breaking for me. She clung to me for at least an hour as I tried to get her interested in painting, books, the fish tank, dress up.. anything. Finally I had to go and I had no choice but to hand her over screaming and begging for me to come back. I must've cried for a solid hour. The school called me to let me know she cheered right up after I left, so I felt some better. There was a similar melt down Tuesday night when I left to go to a sewing class.

This just sucks. I love my little girl and my instincts say to let her cling to me as much as she needs to. This is a phase and she is doing what she needs to do to feel okay about all her newfound independence. The problem is: I can't always be with her. I work.. admittedly very little but still I have to leave sometimes. Her brother still needs to nurse at night so I can't very easily sleep with her all the time even though I am happy to when I can. I just enrolled in my sewing class and I would really like to be able to have that time for me each week. And then of course there is the issue of her preschool. I had such high hopes for that. I hoped she would LOVE it and be so excited to go and play with her new little friends. I'm not the mom that subscribes to the "oh they'll get over it eventually" school of thought on separation anxiety. I know anxiety all too well and there is no way a two year old has the coping skills to work through that on their own. Hopefully she will one day, but it isn't reasonable to expect her to now. So what to do? I hate to give up on it so easily. We are going to try letting Andrew do drop off tomorrow to see if that is an easier transition for her. I am nervous. I feel like I've brought on all this unnecessary emotional upheaval for my little girl by making the wrong decisions. Bleh. Better go to bed, it will surely be another long night.

Love the One You're With

I used to be so happy when it was just the Weebles and she was tucked into bed safely beside me. I could actually sleep well that way, without worrying so much. Then Peanut was born and all that changed. Now, even when she was snuggled next to me.. he wasn't. So my heart ached for him, wishing he was next to me too. I felt bad that he was all alone in his little crib while we were all down here together. Of course it isn't always that way. Now some nights he will be curled up on his belly between us while Weebles is upstairs in her bed. Then I wish I were with her. We haven't really tried cosleeping with both of them at the same time. I keep thinking when they are older it will be easier, when I don't have to worry quite so much about one of them going off the side or waking the other up. By then there is a good possibility that we'll have a third child and I'll be right back in the same boat. This same feeling surfaces when I am spending one on one time with one or the other. I'll be cooking or coloring with my daughter and I'll feel badly that my son is playing cars by himself. Or I'll be building a block tower with my little boy and feel bad that my daughter is watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Why can't I let go of the guilt and really enjoy connecting with each of my children on their own?

First Day of School Jitters

There was crying, there were attempts to back out, there was a LOT of second guessing.. of course all of that was me. Today was the Weebs' first day of preschool. She'll be going three mornings a week. I don't go in for Gymboree or play dates or basically anything that involves me sitting around with other moms singing nursery rhymes. I've never been good at that sort of social interaction and I don't know that now is the time to take up the hobby. I wanted her to have interaction with kids her own age and get out of the house some.

So this morning we packed up everything on the list we were given. Let me tell you, it felt downright weird to be writing her name on her cup and extra clothes. I guess I'm spoiled being able to stay home with the kids pretty much full time. Andrew and I both went to drop her off since he had never been there before. She ran off when we got there to play and didn't even look back. Whew. I didn't fare quite as well, but felt better about it than I had thought I would.

Around 10:30 I got a call that she was upset and asking for something and they couldn't figure out what. Her "bonky??" the teacher said. Poor baby wanted her blankie. I didn't send it because it is super frail, luckily I had it in the car with me. I drove it over with the plan that they would sneak it in to her to see if it helped. Once I got there I could hear her though and there was no way I wasn't going to go in and reassure her. She wasn't actually all that upset at that point. There were a couple of other kids that were really freaking out and she was sort of staring at them so I think it was distracting her from her own drama. She was still happy to see me and after she calmed the rest of the way down I helped her put on her coat and shoes and we went outside for playground time with the rest of her class. She ventured around on her own a bit and when it was time to go back inside I went ahead and took her home. The real test will be tomorrow I guess. Hopefully she will be excited to be back and the day will go even better. And maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll handle it better too. ;)

Tale of the Cake

The Weebles is allergic to eggs. This is really only somewhat inconvenient and really doesn't even come up all that often as we are used to going places we know she has food she likes and are good about avoiding it at home. Still... we hope she'll outgrow them.

The biggest pain in the ass about the situation is the birthday cake. When she turned one we got a pretty cake from a bakery and I baked her a little smash cake of her own that had no eggs. She didn't have any clue there was a whole other cake and wouldn't have cared anyway. When she turned two however, I knew she was going to want the "cool" cake so I contacted the only local bakery I could find that would do a vegan cake. I didn't need it to be vegan of course, but they insisted that was the only way I'd get one without the eggs in it. Devil's food with chocolate icing was my only option. I told the lady the situation and asked if they could please make it look fun for my daughter and write Happy Birthday Julie on it.. sure no problem they said. My husband went and picked it up.. and I only wish I had thought to take a picture of the hot mess that cake was. It was a dark brown cake (of course) and they had written the words in runny white icing that had spread into puddles and was pretty much illegible. I was a mess. My husband saved the day by painstakingly scraping all the white goop off with a toothpick and using some hot pink icing from the grocery store to jazz things up a bit. We added some rainbow Happy Birthday candles and it looked pretty darn cute. The Weebs was excited.

So I knew that there was no way I was going back to that bakery for this past weekend's festivities. My in laws are from Asheville and they had gotten a few vegan cakes for various birthdays we've celebrated there during Weebs' lifetime so I gave their bakery a call. I told the lady what had happened last time and she was really sweet and understanding. You know how little kids are, they want COLOR and FUN! She said they would be happy to do any cake they had without eggs for us and they could decorate it any way we wanted. YAY! I told them I definitely wanted a white cake and that it should be super colorful and that my boy loves dinosaurs and cars and whichever they thought they might be able to do better I'd be thrilled with. I should have known how bad it was when my father in law called after picking up the cake to ask what I had told them to put on the cake. They sent me a picture.



"At least everything was spelled right" he said trying to cheer me up. Off to Wal-Mart we went to buy cake decorating supplies. Here is the final version, courtesy of Andrew.




Hard to believe it is the same cake right? Next time around I'll know better and we'll just make the whole cake ourselves. The worst part? Both of these vegan cakes came from swanky bakeries that charged upwards of $50 for the darn things. I think a cake decorating class at the local community college is in order...

One Year Old

My little Peanut, a surprise of a lifetime. You are really something else. When you were born I was so worried that you would never be the center of attention like your big sister. She shines so brightly and can work a room of adults like a pro. Today you proved that you know a thing or two about being the star too.

Tuesday you took off walking for the first time. That came in super handy today as you grabbed onto one of the shiny star shaped balloons we bought for your party and walked around the house with it. All Day. You didn't let go of your balloon for anything. It is pretty hard to resist an adorable little guy toddling gleefully around with a balloon. You were layin' the cute on us pretty dang thick.

You have also learned to give high fives and you are working on saying lots of words. You have had "NO!" down for a week or so but tonight during your party you also sang along "E I E I O" clear as day and said "Go Go Go!"

You are a big time climber and love to get up in chairs or scale a flight of steps. You scare me to death on an hourly basis. In the last week or two you've decided you don't like your high chair so every meal time is a struggle. I must say you did great tonight at your party. Then again, I'd sit still for spaghetti and cake too!

I am so proud of you my little man. I know we are going to have so much fun together as you get older and learn more and more things. Mama loves her little son. Happy Birthday Drew.

Resolutions

I have a lot of hopes for this coming year. Resolutions are generally doomed to be forgotten after only a few days so I think I might prefer to call them "long term goals" instead. Finding patience is definitely at the top of the list. I have improved an immeasurable amount to be sure, but I find that my stores of patience still run thin by the end (okay sometimes the beginning) of the day. The Weebles is in an "emotional outburst" phase and it tends to get my blood pressure rising almost instantly when she kicks into a tantrum for what seems like no particular reason.

Right up there at the top has GOT to be taking better care of myself. Sleep, exercise, eating something that isn't someone else's leftovers, having interests that don't revolve around finding missing pieces to Little People playsets, taking notice of what I put on in the morning (yesterday's jeans anyone? a t-shirt... again??) you get the idea. This one I will be breaking down into smaller short term goals because it will be impossible to make all the necessary changes at once.

Improve the quality of the time I spend with the kids. Some days are superstars... others seem like nothing but episodes of Mickey Mouse Playhouse and time outs. Every chance I get to move more time into the win column I want to take.

Really that is about it. I think overall I want to keep in the forefront of my mind that in order to raise good children, ones that will be compassionate towards others and mindful of the impact they leave around them, I have to mirror all the same qualities I wish for them. That, my friends, is a tall order.

Happy 2010!