Harsh realization

So yesterday I took the kids for a walk around the neighborhood as I do most days. I found myself temporarily concerned with the fact I was still in my sweatpants and wondered if neighbors would think I was slouchy walking around in public like that. As I concluded that there wasn't really any point in putting on jeans just for a quick walk it hit me. Oh shit I'm becoming my mother aren't I? I've joked about that before but never realized just how true it is.

My mom frequently hung out in sweatsuits all day and my dad picked on her for it. I'm not quite to the point of wearing matching purple sweatpants and sweatshirts just yet but really what is the difference? I had been letting getting dressed slide thinking that if we were staying in the house most of the day that there wasn't any point in dragging out more clothes just to create even more laundry. Plus there isn't really any denying that pj pants are more comfy that jeans. And for the record, yeah, jeans ARE dressed up for me these days.

This isn't the only way I've been turning into a clone of my mother either. Countless times I have seen my mother eat something just because it was there. The last piece of bacon nobody wanted. Free cookie displays in the grocery store. The rest of the macaroni and cheese on a kid's plate. Stuff that doesn't even taste good for chrissakes. Mindless eating. And damn it if I haven't started doing the same thing and I have no good explanation for it. The only thing I can come up with is that I am totally exhausted and in constant search for an energy source.

Then of course there is the negative self talk. Every meal I cook I'm critical of. Everything I do I find fault with. Do I really want my children, my daughter especially, to grow up hearing her mom put herself down like that? What kind of example does that set? So I'm recommitting myself to make a mindful effort to actually participate in the world around me instead of focusing so exclusively on feeding, clothing and nurturing the smaller members of the family. Now where the hell did I last have my hairbrush...

Brag on Him Friday

I wasn't going to try to post today since I'm still exhausted from our big pumpkin carving soiree yesterday, but then I saw Malia's Brag on Him Friday feature over at her blog Blissfully Domestic and couldn't pass it up.

I have to drop everything and brag on my husband for being such a terrific daddy. True.. his time out routine sucks and he definitely doesn't do things the way I do. BUT he can play with his kids for hours at the time. HOURS. This is the one area of parenting that I am totally inept at. I try. I really do. I flop down on the floor and try to engage them in a puzzle or by building a block tower. But they see right through me. They know I have no idea what I am doing. When daddy is on the scene they are all over him and whatever he is doing. He never seems too tired for a "soccer ball game" or to chase them around with puppets. On our beach trip this week he spent the majority of each day down at the beach building sandcastles or at the pool swimming with the Weebles. Our children are so lucky to have such a hands on father. Thanks Andrew!

Thanks for such a great idea Malia! It is so great to focus on the positive for once. I'll be back to my snarky self tomorrow though. ;)

Vacation

Apparently our family vacation to Hilton Head meant a blog vacation too. But don't worry, I'll be back! NaBloPoMo coming up in November!

Wordless Wednesday - Busy Weekend

Shopping Fail

I've been having a little problem with shopping. Ha, well yes, there is THAT other problem with shopping but that really isn't a problem at all. I love shopping.. it might be considered a little problem of having no money. Anyway back to my shopping dilemma. The kids need clothes. And there are none to be found.

I remember when Weebles was born. It was around this time of year even when I really started getting into buying her clothes. The overalls.. holy cuteness. There were adorable overalls, sweaters, jackets, mittens.. the list goes on. I have boxes and boxes of hardly worn baby clothes in my attic to prove it.

The weather is getting chilly and it is time to update the kiddos wardrobes. So I've been engaging in some pretty serious online shopping only to come up empty handed for the most part. I have found ONE pair of overalls in my vast shopping endeavors for my son. That was found at an Osh Kosh outlet in Hilton Head and is really pretty cute. But where are all the others? The only other pair I found had horrible little tractors or something embroidered ALL OVER them. One on the bib? Yes please. Maybe another on the lower leg.. sure okay. But this trend of embroidering little bitty logos all over the garment is ugly. And don't even get me started on overalls for my daughter. I haven't seen a single pair. Anywhere. I've looked high and low. I could see the argument that in her size you have to take into account potty training and they might not be very popular... but I haven't seen any in the girl's section in any sizes at all.

Kids pants just aren't terribly comfortable (at least for my kids.) On both my children in order to get the right length so they won't be stepping on them, the waist is almost always too tight. So it's either overalls or sweatpants if I want them to be comfy. So where are all the damn overalls??

This brings me to another peeve. Who the hell is designing this stuff. Holy hell on a cracker the clothes in the stores this weekend were some of the ugliest shit I have ever seen. I don't think I'll ever go in another Children's Place again. It was nearly all bright ass clashing colors together. I especially enjoy the shirts that say things like (and I'm not making this one up) "I'm just here for the DRAMA!" Uhh on a two year old? I also particularly enjoyed the onesie that said "Mom says I'm a great catch!" And the leggings. My God the leggings everywhere. I'm going to be up front and say that I can't imagine any place where leggings are a good thing. I grew up in the 80's... I've seen them in their glory days and it wasn't cute then, it isn't cute now. But the really mind boggling part to me is... how do they look over a diaper? I've put tights on my daughter before and it is totally lumpy. I can only imagine the hot mess leggings over a diaper is.

The real kicker this weekend though was in trying to locate coats and knit caps for the kids because we were going to be outside and it was cold. I had some sweatshirt zip up hoods for them but that just wasn't cutting it with temps in the 40's. I could not find any jacket at all in my son's size that wasn't just a lightweight hood like I already have. The only jackets I found for my daughter was a Dora the Explorer one in JC Pennys (oh yes, I went there out of total desperation) and one at Children's Place that was sixty dollars and a horrible pink/grey striped design. As for the caps? I couldn't find any. I finally went in Belk thinking surely a department store of all places would have the basics to be told by the sales clerk "We don't sell things like that here. You should try those other stores... you know the ones I'm talking about..." Clearly I don't lady because this is the fourth store I've been in. She whispered that I should try K-Mart. Apparently trendy folks don't like to be warm.

I know styles come and go but with kids' clothing it isn't like they can just pull out stuff from last year to wear if I they don't like this year's fashion. You'll know my kids at the playground.. they'll be the ones in sweatpants.

Early to bed, Early to Rise

My definition of sleeping in has changed drastically. I consider it a luxury to sleep until seven. I know right, I'll wait here while you collect your jaw off the floor. Generally our days start somewhere in the 5:30 range.

The Peanut has always been an early riser. I just don't get it. Why? Why get up? It's warm in bed. You're already all blissed out and comfortable. FortheloveofGod just hit your mental snooze a couple of times. Ahem... sorry.

The Weebles has always been good about sleeping in. Probably because she slept with us from the beginning and just got used to our schedule. She routinely would not wake up until seven or even eight ::heart flutters:: Even the days she would wake up a little early, or on weekends when we wanted to take our time getting up we could just prop her up between us and turn on cartoons. We could easily get an extra hour of sleep that way.

This plan just doesn't fly with Peanut. He sits still for nothing. So when we try to put him between us he spends all his time hell bent on climbing over one of us and taking a header onto the floor. This is surprisingly not conducive to sleep. One longstanding option we had was for one of us to get up with him and put him in his bouncy seat in front of Classical Baby. Yeah? Haven't I already made it clear we utilize the TV in order to get more sleep? Quitchyer "I cannot believe these people with the TV" cause mama needs some sleep or she might start hugging folks a leeetle too tight. Anyway.. unfortunately he has outgrown the bouncy seat. He has a mini crib in our room so we have managed to get him interested in Wow Wow Wubbzy for 15-20 minutes while hanging out in there. Every little bit helps.

But what is really the long term solution here? Are there parents out there that just hop out of bed and start playing Legos at that ungodly hour? What do you do with your early risers?

**I think my posts still show up at a funny time. FTR it is just barely after six. Andrew is upstairs with Weebs reading stories and Peanut is just barely asleep in our bed. I can't sleep because I'm afraid he'll go over the edge. Now that Weebles has discovered she can get out of bed on her own she is excited to do so and has been waking a little earlier. The pumpkin patch opens in three hours. It will easily take me that long to get everyone ready anyway.

STTN

Every parent... okay well every interwebby parent knows that acronym all too well. It hasn't been something I have worried with too terribly much. With my first we co-slept. It was the only way I would have ever gotten any sleep what with my insatiable need to make sure she was still breathing every thirty seconds or so. This went on in some form until... let's see. Five days ago?

And I honestly haven't minded. Sure there were times I worried that our nighttime parenting, or whatever the term is in AP, too lazy to google, was going to make it where she had a really tough time ever sleeping on her own. When she calls to us, we go get her. When it is time to go to bed one, or both, of us lie there with her until she drops off to sleep. In the last month we have switched her from her crib, which never saw much use at all, to a new twin bed. She freaking loves that bed. She loves to play on it, she loves to read stories there and most importantly she loves to sleep there. I'm not sure if it is related but several nights ago during what will come to be known as the "great holy hells we all have some sort of H1N1Y2KEbola virus" I was in the midst of tucking her in when the entire contents of my head started to make a beeline for the nearest exit. I gave her a big hug and told her I'd be right back and headed downstairs to try to make the insanity stop. I expected her to freak out as she has in the past when we left her at bedtime. I didn't hear anything from upstairs. After about twenty minutes we snuck up there to see what trouble she was getting into. The girl was asleep! No freaking way! That was maybe the second time she had ever fallen asleep on her own.

The night progressed. No sign of Weebles. No calling over the monitor for daddy to come get her and bring her down to our room. Wha? Whose child is this anyway? What a fluke... except the same thing happened the next night. And the next. We are now on night #5 of tucking her in, leaving the room and *hopefully* a full night's sleep in her own bed. I must admit I miss her a little bit. But I am really happy that she can put herself to sleep and feels confident and safe enough to make it through the night without us. And with nary a cry it out episode necessary. Sure it took two years and two months for her to sleep through the night on her own but I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I know that CIO was just not right for our family. Don't get me wrong though. I'm not counting my chickens here. I know all too well that any minute now it could all go to hell in a handbasket and we could be up all night watching Oobi with Walden, Widget, Wow Wow, Bear, Penguin, Pooh Bear, Dancing somethingorother Elmo and a sprinkler (yeah that's right, a damn Elmo sprinkler has been in my bed at times.. not as risque as it sounds.)

And in case you are thinking "hey good for them! finally getting some sleep..." don't forget about Peanut. He's already been up THREE times in the last two and a half hours. I'm not worried though, he'll STTN when he's good and ready.

Potty time

Here is the obligatory potty post. I think every blogger I read has had one, or twelve, in recent months. My daughter is 26 months old and I am really not interested in ditching diapers just yet. I don't see the hype. Sure, they are expensive and horrible for the environment whether you go cloth or disposable. I have done both over the last two years. But I find diaper changing to actually be rather easy. That was almost always the first comment I got when pregnant with my son. "Oh my you'll have two in diapers.. you poor thing." Really BFD on the diapers. It should be "oh my you'll have two that REFUSE TO SLEEP OR EAT OR GIVE YOU ANY PEACE FOR MONTHS AND MONTHS ON END..." but I digress.

Where was I? Oh the potty. So when my daughter was a little over a year old I ordered one of those little potty chair things. Mostly because I like ordering things. Yes, I'm aware I have a tiny shopping problem. She has loved sitting on it, standing IN it, carrying it around, putting toys in it, yada yada for the last year or so. Then a few months ago before bathtime I jokingly asked her if she had to pee and pointed at the potty. Lo, the girl sat down and peed. After that every so often I'd mention it to her when she was already running around nekkid and she'd sit down and go. It was a novelty.

In the last three weeks or so she was started to take it seriously. At first she totally did not get the concept of her pants coming off before going which was a bit of a funny problem to have. Poor kid just thought you peed right through your pants. She still doesn't know how to get her pants on and off, or perhaps is just unwilling to try. So now if she has to go she will run over to me and yell "MOMMY PANTS OFF!" and so I'll yank them off and she'll run to the bathroom. It's actually quite adorable and if I didn't have a "no photography/videography of naked children" policy I would HAVE to get video of her running bare assed, curls just bouncing away into the bathroom. It cracks me up every time. She's had one or two accidents when she was concentrating on her play too much and didn't realize until too late but for the most part we now go all day without diapers. She's even woken up a few times dry in the morning and run straight to the potty.

So, I'm not sure what to think. I'm not ready for her to be potty trained. I'm most certainly not ready to undertake a car trip and have to stop every thirty minutes for potty breaks and no way in hell am I taking her in any bathroom along the road to go. The potty will have to start travelling with us. And what on earth do you do when you go out and about alone with two of them? I can't just set the baby down somewhere to help the Weebs in the bathroom. Diapers are just SO much easier. I may even look into them for future pregnancies...

Here is a little PSA for all my good friends on the interwebs

** They aren't going to make you pay to use Facebook. Joining a group attempting to threaten Facebook into this already obvious policy is silly.

** I am not going to join your Farming community/mafia family/virtual peanuckle group. It doesn't mean I don't love you, I just don't get a thrill from that kind of activity.

** No matter how totally worth the cause, pennies are never donated from the forwarding of an email. Period.

** Nobody cares "What Beyonce song" you are. I understand the joy one gets from wasting time taking such quizzes online, but is it a requirement that you publish the results? I enjoy reading your genuine status updates, however when you take thirty of those quizzes in a row to kill a boring afternoon at work you are cluttering up my feed and making my "hide" link itchy.

** Sparkly glitter comments/images are always in poor taste. ALWAYS. Just don't go there.

** MySpace is not getting "too crowded." That forward where they tell you to forward it on to see who is really using their account... yeah not real. So rest easy.

** If you get an email from Ebay asking you to login to verify your information... that is fake.

** The King of Prussia.. yeah he doesn't really need your help on laundering money out of his country.

Phoning it in

I've been trying to find some space every day in order to Shred. There simply isn't an option early in the morning before the kids get up. I'm not 100% sure on this, but there may not ever be a time one of our kids isn't up... Anyway, I'm very much at the stage where there isn't one naptime every day that both kids are asleep and it isn't ideal trying to get it done after the kids go to bed because... well see above. Sometimes I'm not sure they ever actually go. So, today I tried doing it "first thing" after the kids got up and had breakfast and had settled into some morning playtime.

This? Didn't go over well. I had planned to blog the entire experience but now that it is later in the day I simply don't have the energy. Suffice to say I had to pause the DVD at least six times and it took me a solid 45 minutes to complete. It also involved doing the bicycle crunches with my daughter lying on top of me (hey it did make them harder.. maybe better results?) and a "poop on the floor" incident. Good times. So, with all the pausing I feel like I didn't go as good of a job as I usually do. Although I can certainly say my heart rate stayed elevated the entire time. Sheesh.

What ifs

I find myself frequently thinking thoughts about how life would be with only one child. Not so much what it would be like to have an only child and never have any others, more like what daily life would be like with just one. It goes like this:

Wow, if Weebles was my only child I could spend this rainy afternoon curled up napping with her.

or..

If Weebles was still my only baby it wouldn't be a problem to sit up with her all night letting her sleep in my lap. It was so much easier for her to sleep that way when she was sick.

or..

Think of all the fun stuff my preschooler and I could go out and do together if it were just us.

It isn't always my firstborn that gets that sort of speculation either.

If Peanut had been born first I could have just held him all day long when he was so colic-y. I actually DID hold him the vast majority of the day but of course still had another child to look after.

or..

If Peanut were the only baby I bet I could get him to co-sleep more and get more rest at night.

I have an enormous amount of guilt when I find myself having these thoughts because DUH I love both my kids to pieces. The one on one dynamic is something I miss sometimes though. Because when there is one baby and one mom it is easier to be on their schedule. Easier to cater to their needs and practice solid attachment parenting. With two I sometimes feel like no matter how much I'm hitting it out of the ballpark for one child the other is just having a so-so day. Then of course there are the days nobody has a good day.. but let's not go there.

Things are definitely getting easier and easier though. As Peanut gets older he has been able to play with his sister more and more. Now he eats a lot of the same foods she does so feeding schedules are getting easier to manage. And maybe one day, if all the planets align and joy and sunshine rain down from the heavens, I will have a night where they both sleep well and I actually get to bed at a decent time.

And that, I'm sure, will be just in time for baby number three to arrive and send us all straight back to square one.

Not Me! Monday

This past week I so did not get myself a Happy Meal at McDonald's after doing the weekly shopping and then lie to my preschooler when I got home. The girl SMELLED the fries on my breath and said all excitedly... FRIES?!?! I most certainly did not tell her, "no honey, no fries here, LOOK I brought you some more dishwashing detergent..."

It was absolutely not me that got so excited about the Alice.com promotion where they include samples in certain boxes that I divided my order into three shipments in hopes of getting one. Nope, I would never compromise the environment in such a fashion. Speaking of which, probably need to order some Purell.

It could not possibly have been me that allowed my nine month old to get hold of a sippy cup containing Kool Aid this weekend. We have been pulling out all the stops to get our sick daughter to drink something, a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g. puhlease, and Kool Aid was just one of the many attempted bribes. But I never would have been so careless as to leave the cup where my cruising son might find it, surely.

I also certainly did not get up and go to work this morning even though I felt absolutely horrible from a head cold just because going to work is actually easier than taking care of two small, also sick, children. I also did not consider the fact I could stop and get McDonald's for breakfast as a compelling reason to go in.

I DID however participate in Mckmama's "Not Me! Monday" So much fun! Thanks :)

Happy Foosball Day

Nine Months

Little Man,

Today you are nine months old. You love your sippy cup and feeding yourself cheerios. You aren't too interested in feeding yourself anything else though, go figure. Help a mama out and eat some fruit and veggies every now and again. You are getting really good at standing while holding onto something, you even tried to let go a few times yesterday. You also like to climb up in your sister's chairs to try to reach things that are too high for you. Please stop doing that, you are going to give mama a heart attack.

You still aren't too interested in toys unless they involve helping you to stand. If your sister is trying to play with something sometimes you will decide to go steal it from her. You haven't been sleeping worth anything lately. It is getting kind of hard on your old mama. I am hoping to start bringing you downstairs more soon so I won't have to wake up as often but you still seem to love your crib for sleeping above everywhere else.

You have really taken to your blankie just like your big sister. You have two we switch between and I keep waiting for you to show a preference for one or the other. We got you your first Pedipeds recently in anticipation of your walking some this fall. You don't know what to make of them and why your feet all of a sudden can't feel the floor. That's okay, you'll get the hang of it.

Your hair is really starting to get long in some spots and fill in everywhere else. Your daddy was wondering the other day how long it would be before you need a hair cut. Yikes. A first hair cut is going to be hard on mama, but probably not as hard as it will be when that time comes for your sister.

Sometimes I wish that you would sit still a little more. I miss being able to spend quiet time with you playing and talking but you are just so busy right now. No time for it. Your big drooly grins make me feel better though.

I wonder what your first words are going to be. You have started babbling more... but probably not as much as you would if the Weebles wasn't around. I think you let her take the lead a little too often and don't make your own voice heard enough. You sister loves you so much. Everything she does she says "Drew too?" I give her a cracker and she says "Drew some? Drew some cracker?" I ask her if she wants to go on a walk and she says "Drew go too?" I hope the two of you are always close.

I can't believe you are well on your way to your first birthday. I am so proud of you my little baby. Keep on learning and growing.. but please consider stopping to hang out with your mama every now and again.

Love,
Me

Mommy needs a Time Out

I haven't been away from my children over five hours in their entire lives. Just short of 26 months of nearly continuous around the clock care. Even when I had my second son, I was nursing my daughter right up until the minute we left the house and I gave birth less than an hour later. I didn't even manage a few hours without a child hanging on me then. I love being with my children and I am so lucky to get to raise them instead of having to send them to day care to spend the majority of their time with someone else. That being said, it really is a job. I'm not sitting at home all day taking naps and watching HGTV.

I go to work two mornings a week. My job is only about 10 minutes from the house and I can leave whenever necessary. I only stay about three and a half hours so that I can be home to feed the kids lunch and get them down for their naps. Once or twice I have gone to a hockey game or a get together with friends, and I mean quite literally once or twice. I think my daughter has slept through the night five or six times ever. I'm just trying to wrap my head around just how little time I have had "off" in the last two years. Compounding matters is the fact my baby still refuses to have any sort of nap schedule. Some days he'll take two short naps, other days he'll take one long one. Some days he won't take any at all. At nine months.. yeah I know shoot me. Most days I don't have even one minute between the time Andrew leaves at seven thirty until he gets home after six. Then it is the dinner/bath/bedtime battle that often doesn't end until nine. My son often wakes for the day shortly after five. I am totally burned out. As in totally, 100% I don't think I can do this another day burned out. I actually yelled at my two year old today "I'm a person too you know!" Sigh.

I try my hardest to follow an attachment parenting philosophy and admittedly it is really kicking my ass with two so small at the same time. Neither child has ever put up with baby wearing and even if they had I would still have had a hard time carrying one child while wearing the other. I breastfeed both on demand still and am very committed to child led weaning. When they cry I go to them day or night. That's what parents are for. I don't think either of them are old enough to handle the emotional fall out from being made to deal with feeling abandoned in the name of toughening them up. Sure it would make my life easier if they didn't bother calling out for me when they needed me but I don't believe that cry it out makes the need go away. It just teaches them their needs won't be met.

At any rate I am at the point of having to admit that I need some time away. Be it a babysitter a couple of afternoons a week, part time preschool for my daughter, or a night or two a week to be off duty... something has to give. Mama needs to recharge her batteries...